I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize