Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm like, not good at living.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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