If that was your dad, he is hot
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
