Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
