the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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