I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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