I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
