I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
