hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
