the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
