My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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