It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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