sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
