So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
