Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
