dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize