There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
