I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize