I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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