fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
