I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
