as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
