I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
