the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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