69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
