2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
