I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
