Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Its about making memories worth repressing
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
