Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
