no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
