im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
