do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
