The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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