im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
