Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm passing your future prison.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
