Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
