How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
