how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
how does that bad decision feel?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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