he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
