I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
third nipple confirmed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
