When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
