You just made me feel so damn special
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize