haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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