I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
