My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
