yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
