I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i love accidental penises.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
