Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
