Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
