I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
