you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
