mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
