At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
