Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
