Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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