This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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