Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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