i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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