Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Still dying that you shit outside
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
