Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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