My underwear smells like fireworks.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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