You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize