If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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