Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
