SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize