Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
