there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
