i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
