Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
