I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
