batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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