That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
