you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
