Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
