what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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