Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
