just tell him i said nine months
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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