Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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