Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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