been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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