today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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