i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
