The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
