I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
