if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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