I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
