ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Alive.
So much puke
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
