dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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