i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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