So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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