and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
