so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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