friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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