my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize